Memories.

 

Memories.

It was cold, and nothing was familiar. I was lifted and manipulated by creatures I didn’t know and heard voices speak in a language I didn’t understand. I could see lights and dark, but nothing that made any sense to me since I remembered nothing like what I was in. Someone hurt me and made me cry, but there was no way to communicate, only the option of crying since I was scared. The hands of humans cleaned me up a bit, and I felt some comfort but no familiarity. I was born into the world of humans but didn’t know that I was like them or what they will do with me.

Having a body that I could move, but not so good, was an unfamiliar experience. The only thing I could remember was being in a snugly closed space where all my needs were provided and being ejected to where I had to do something but didn’t know what. The memory was fading fast and reality was taking over. Much later in life, I learned that there were dreams where I existed and did things, but their memory would rapidly fade when I was awake. The reality I am in is the one that matters.

In the dreams I could exist completely normal, never knowing that I was dreaming, but when awake, the dreams felt unreal. Remembering a dream is hard. I always remember that earlier I was dreaming something, but the information was scrambled and made to feel unreal or not fit into reality. Not enough information is available in memory to figure things out. Yet I remember it was very real when I was in it. Others told me about their dreams, but it was so much different from mine. When things happened in the “real” world, the memory of dreams disappeared altogether.

Every day of my life is full of events. Mostly, there is nothing special. Wake up, do whatever people do, and after some time go to sleep. Some days are nice while others are not. A large portion of what I call my existence is happening in my thoughts. People communicate with me in various ways. They make me wish, love, hate, happy, sad, and other emotions that there are no words to describe. I decide what to do based on what I can remember from my past or what I learned from stories. I know I can’t fly without mechanical aid, so I don’t jump off tall buildings or bridges. Never tried. Yet just falling off a chair made me careful about high places. Truthfully, most of what I know comes from memories, and most of those are not my own. Much of my memories are devoted to self-preservation and more is about surviving in a world that is all about competition. I know that if I am driving during the rush hour and if leave a space behind the next vehicle, another car will drive in and I will wait longer to get to my destination. I remember being told that time is money. It’s not, it’s “life.”

What concerns me is that I, an individual human, learned who or what I am from others who learned their personality traits from others yet. If all that I remember is what I was told, where is my freedom? I have no freedom. People all around me regularly express love or hate for things or other people. I automatically side with the majority. Just like kids in school that say, “mom, everybody is saying so.” When will I grow up and do what is right, not what everybody is doing?

It is so easy to see how human nature works. Look at our politics, which are well-publicized. Canada is one country and people can move freely between provinces. Relatively a short time ago, those we call easterners built a railroad and populated the west. They viewed it as an investment for their future. When the country became a nation, the westerners began to view the easterners as their oppressors and regularly vote opposite their brethren in the east. Some even prefer to be governed by the big neighbor to the south. They imagine another nation will allow them to make more personal gains. They don’t remember what happened to others who tried, like in the Philippines, Puerto Rico, or Hawaii. We mostly remember what we think will give us immediate rewards. They can’t remember that there is no free lunch. You always pay more than what you get.

A human is born with no memories and grows up absorbing what is available to him or her in the surrounding environment. We teach the learning in a language that inspires preconceived ideas and rejects others. Emotions can change a person’s opinions, but we learn that selfish motives are superior to all else. It’s a business decision.

Only one option is available. We all know how to love or hate ourselves. If we hate, it is self-destructive and we will not last. If we love ourselves, we know what it feels like. We can decide to love others as we love ourselves, but it’s very hard to do.

Not sharing and forgiving will lead to catastrophe as we see in some parts of the world. Sharing and forgiving are always unfair to some degree. The only solution is to say, God or nature gave me what I have, so I will do the same. It takes a level of maturity that most people lack. That memory is not preinstalled.

I, a human, am a memory chip governed by a processor, which selects memories that will enhance opinions I can’t remember originating from me. My freedom or free will could be just an illusion.