Being an older guy now, I find myself answering questions from young people who are curious about my opinion. After all, I have been around for a long time and seen the most significant changes that humankind endured. I am still around which makes younger people wonder if I have some secret knowledge.
A letter from a young person came over asking questions about love. Here it is with names changed to protect identities. The young man was married, had kids and been separated for about three years.
“That girl I told you about many months ago is still in my life — the one who I am always struggling to get to agree to see me. Not too much has changed, though it is getting easier and easier to get her to want to see me. I think I am slowly winning her over. She still will not agree to be my girlfriend, but she has agreed not to sleep with anyone else so I guess that is a start. I do worry that you are right, I am setting it up for history to repeat itself. Getting a really pretty girl who I am super into to marry me, only to have her be luke-warm to it when it actually happens. I also think it would be smarter of me to find someone more so in my situation, like a single mom or at least a girl who is divorced or closer in age. This girl has never been married, no kids, and she is only 26. But, the heart wants what the heart wants, and my heart is set on trying to win her over.
I am starting to think it might happen. I am falling in love with this girl, which is weird because I am also still in love with Dana. It turns out you can be in love with two girls at once. I keep thinking my feelings for Dana will fade a bit as I fall for this girl more, but that does not seem to happen. The feelings for Baily grow, but the feelings for Dana stay the same. I would marry either of them if I had the chance....isn't that weird? I talk to Baily pretty much every day by text. I see her about once per week these days.”
It has been a long time since I was involved in courting, marrying and even longer since the days of girlfriends. I never considered myself an expert about romantic love, but I do have some philosophical opinions about love. Being a Christian, Love is a central aspect of my theory of human existence and its chances of survival. I view selfishness as the domain of Satan and Love the main ingredient of my faith. To be honest, it is not just my faith. I lived with Muslims and with Jewish people, and I find them all to be on the same page. I don’t know about the religious leaders, but the ordinary people have similar ideas.
Here is my reply to the young man.
You don’t understand what love is, so wonder if it's possible to love two. Ouch. A girl is not a possession and restricting her sexuality when she is not married to you is showing her that you wish to possess her. When we LOVE someone, we don’t want to give the most intimate act, sex, to others. That is what WE offer. A girl is not a prize that you WIN either. You can’t win her, only her body and then she is your slave which she would never agree to be if she had a choice.
Every person can have a best friend, and the best of the best is one of the opposite sex who completes us. The biggest sexual organ is the brain, like it or not. When the two minds agree that the other one is the one best for them, you have what we call love. Infatuation, desire, jealousy, coveting, competing, winning and many more, are NOT LOVE. “My Babe” is a wrong term that I wish people would not repeat around teenage boys condemning them to repeat the mistakes of their fathers.
MY WIFE is a gift I received from the creator, a person that I gave myself to.
Love is giving, not receiving. The receiver must be able to TRUST the giver based on past performance and NEVER on promises that are not worth a penny. This is very scientific. People who are business oriented are known to make false promises, and one is a fool to believe them. You know the saying, fool me once you win, fool me twice, etc. Baily is a smart and beautiful person and when she wishes she may choose one of three and a half billion people to mate with. She will carefully assess what is available and determine the one who is her BEST friend. I think her parents told her what I am telling you now. If it is in her nature, she will be kind to all people but cautious about whom she chooses to vow to love and cherish, in sickness and in health and all the rest. Most of us do not wish to lie and when we do we call it a business decision.
My parental “lecture” is finished!
I feel that our society built itself a language which works for business, but is not suitable for feelings and understanding of the human soul. Consequently, we manage to keep a growing economy, but we are losing our humanity.